She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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