I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
