And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize