Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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