This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
