and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
