im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
