My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
