i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize