Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
