we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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