xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
