doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
