I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
