I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize