I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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