wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
