if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
