I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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