I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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