it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
