we have officially lost it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
