My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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