singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
