party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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