Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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