girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
