I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
