highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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