home. puking in laundry basket.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
