my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
