flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
