I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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