Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
