so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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