be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
