I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
