3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
