Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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