and you said cock pushups were impossible
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
