apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
