I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
