I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
