Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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