I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
