so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
