kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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