True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
