I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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