I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize