you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
