i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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