yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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