someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize