Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's just like the Real World with babies
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is that a dick in a sweater?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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