He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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