She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
