Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
