can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
