Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
