We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
