And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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