chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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