i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
