I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
