Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
