i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
