I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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