I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who died my cat blue again?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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