it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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