my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
