If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why can't burritos get me drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
