so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
