let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
