Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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